An Exercise in Ego Building and Judgment Flexing
Attempting to change the mind of another person, is an exercise in ego building and judgment flexing.
Have you ever met someone who was sure they had the answers to the problems in your life? They know what ‘you need’ to do. They know how ‘you should’ behave. And without question, they are more than eager to share their advice…even when unsolicited.
This past weekend, I found myself on three different occasions, sitting across from a friend struggling with difficult choices. I care deeply for each of these folks. Wanting what I perceive as best for them, it was tempting to toss my advice on the table for consideration…even argue in favor of the value to my advice. Yet I did neither. I held my tongue because of three key points.
First, it is always easier to view a situation from a removed perspective – yet while we may view some specifics more clearly, we miss or are unaware of other pertinent parameters.
Second, each of the folks had actually already arrived at their decision. Typically, humans may approach a discussion as if there are possibilities, however if you are quiet and really listen, you will find that they have already made up their mind.
Third and most significant, my opinion doesn’t really matter. My opinion is nothing more than my ego wishing to speak. It feeds the ego’s desire for importance and stems from a lack of security with regard to intrinsic value.
Love seems to offer the best solution for both parties in such a dynamic.
As the recipient to advice accompanied by words such as, ‘you need’ or ‘you should’ maybe love will allow you to understand the giver’s egoic insecurities – that root need for expression. And mayhap (after a cleansing breath), you’ll find a bit of empathy for that person. After all, they don’t yet comprehend those three reasons to stay their tongue:O)
As an individual listening to the dilemma of another, compassion will enable you to simply sit calmly and care with an open heart. Your love will let folks know you will be there to support them regardless of their decisions. For you will know that their choices (just as your choices), lead to learning at some point and learning typically comes at an emotional cost. All of life is in the act of becoming and this is a process that cannot be rushed. It simply will be until it isn’t.
