Jennifer Nettles has a voice that cuts right to the soul.  As she sang, her partner, Christian, carried the swell of emotion with his harmonica. 

There are two instruments that reach inside my chest and grip my heart – a harmonica and bagpipes.

It was one of those rare performances – a moment to remember.

So, I’m lost in the music, listening to a song about the by-gone days of youth, and I found tears running down my cheeks – which was wholly unexpected. Especially since I had uterine cancer, and I now have to take a medication that places many of my tears on hold.  

But Jennifer Nettles…man.  Her voice is so plaintiff…raw…and the song brought up longings for all those lost yesterdays. Those amazing years of youth that so many artists sing about, but few capture the way she did tonight. 

It was kindda like what a close friend recently said to me in an email about the cadence of poetry.  If you don’t ‘follow’, you can’t ‘go there’. 

Well, I listened.  My soul heard… and I went there. And you know, it wasn’t about the words.  It was the feeling invoked  – intimate.

I think peeps try to recapture those feelings. But that’s like trying to hold time in your hands. We can’t go back. We can’t change what was. 

And youth…well, it holds it’s own special essence. The road before us is just being paved.  Youth holds an outward, not necessarily focused energy…pulsating, and reckless excitement. It wants…yearns. And nothing is outside the realm of possibility. 

Sadly, over time,  that feeling seeps away, until it finally disappears.

We grow up.

And I think that’s why I cried.

Have you ever met someone who was sure they had the answers to the problems in your life?  They know what ‘you need’ to do.  They know how ‘you should’ behave. And without question, they are more than eager to share their advice…even when unsolicited.

This past weekend, I found myself on three different occasions, sitting across from a friend struggling with difficult choices. I care deeply for each of these folks.  Wanting what I perceive as best for them, it was tempting to toss my advice on the table for consideration…even argue in favor of the value to my advice. Yet I did neither.  I held my tongue because of three key points.
 
First, it is always easier to view a situation from a removed perspective – yet while we may view some specifics more clearly, we miss or are unaware of other pertinent parameters.

Second, each of the folks had actually already arrived at their decision. Typically, humans may approach a discussion as if there are possibilities, however if you are quiet and really listen, you will find that they have already made up their mind.  

Third and most significant, my opinion doesn’t really matter. My opinion is nothing more than my ego wishing to speak. It feeds the ego’s desire for importance and stems from a lack of security with regard to intrinsic value.

Love seems to offer the best solution for both parties in such a dynamic.

As the recipient to advice accompanied by words such as, ‘you need’ or ‘you should’ maybe love will allow you to understand the giver’s egoic insecurities – that root need for expression.  And mayhap (after a cleansing breath), you’ll find a bit of empathy for that person. After all, they don’t yet comprehend those three reasons to stay their tongue:O)

As an individual listening to the dilemma of another, compassion will enable you to simply sit calmly and care with an open heart. Your love will let folks know you will be there to support them regardless of their decisions. For you will know that their choices (just as your choices), lead to learning at some point and learning typically comes at an emotional cost. All of life is in the act of becoming and this is a process that cannot be rushed. It simply will be until it isn’t.

Then life happened, and it caused me to question so much of what I’d been taught.  As soon as I was old enough, I stopped attending mass and receiving the sacraments. Though remnants of the teachings remained, in many ways, I moved far from my religious roots.

Through the years I joined the army, met my husband, married and gave birth to a beautiful little girl.  Strangely, from a want to give her the best of everything, I found myself searching until I located the perfect little parish school. Then she too attended a Catholic grade and high school. 

Then one day, while  talking to a priest, he asked me if I was a Catholic.  I told him I’d been born and raised a Catholic.  He found my response curious, and asked again.

 I said, ‘Of course I’m a Catholic!’ 

He queried further.   ‘Do you attend regular mass?’ 

 I responded Well…no.’

‘Do you go to Confession?’

Again I said, ‘Uhm…well, no.’

‘Do you receive Holy Communion?’

And again, I said, ‘No’.

His response?  ‘ Then you are not a Catholic.’

I said, ‘But I am! I have been baptised Catholic, went to school, know the sacraments…my whole family is Catholic!  I just don’t practise the faith.’

And he said, ‘Exactly.’

His words left me feeling afraid…maybe even as if I stood on shifting sand…but he was right on multiple levels. 

This conversation took place about 25 years ago – it’s still relevant today. A friend and I played out a largely similar conversation this evening.  After shocked  consideration, she agreed that in all actuality, she is spiritual by personality and choice - she, like me, is no longer an actual Catholic.

And interestingly, I heard another friend comment that they were ‘a medium’ – since birth – it wasn’t just what they did – it was who/what they were.  That comment brought back the conversation with the priest so many years ago.

Humans have a need for placement and identification – it’s grounding and connecting.  The self protecting ego state demands a sense of belonging. So it’s a bit scary to shift away from the established standards which offer us individuality while still providing  membership to some grouping.It’s the best of both worlds.  ’I AM’  is  followed by a noun of some sort…. a  mother, a manager, a teacher, a wife, a friend, a sister, a Catholic, a medium, a reiki practitioner…Irish…tall…rich…smart…wealthy…

In reality, all of these identifications are transient operating facilities to our earth plane experience.  

What are you? Maybe this is one of those situations where less can be more.  Maybe… the sentence is complete at  I AM.

Blessings,

Yet so many exude energy, time and focus railing against what IS for someone else. Why? We believe WE know more than another. From our superior ego-centered knowing, we clearly see how another should handle their life, actions or thoughts.  We are positive that if we were in their shoes, we would behave differently. 

However, much like Spirit, we cannot carry out the work, nor do the vital learning for someone else. We cannot climb within them to open the windows to their world.  The Law of Allowance sends the message that there must be a loving surrender for all things to BE in their own time and place.

What can we do?  We can practice love, compassion, support or acceptance without judgment for that which IS. We can continuously work to become a more expansive being, and look for the shining beacons that offer the knowledge WE seek. We can begin with ourselves.

 You wonder if you will ever truly feel happy again; laugh without that tinge of sorrow. You find yourself struggling to hold on, day by day; and sometimes, minute by minute. There are periods where you can’t stop crying. Oddly, this is a blessed relief to your eyes which spent too much time feeling parched and hot from a pain too deep to find release in tears – eyes which only mimic the void within.  You float between anger, sadness and numbness.  Occasionally everyday life can assume a distant dreamlike quality, leaving you feeling as if you are drifting through, merely ‘of’ this world, not engaged ‘in’ this world. You timing appears skewed, and you misjudge distance when driving. 

Other times, blessed numbness sets in, yet even that numbness is compounded by guilt later, as you question your lack of emotion. The heart, swollen and fragile, knows the inconsistency of the passions brought on by tender memories. You find yourself soaring to highs filled with bittersweet joy and anger, only to plummet into the depths of despair.  Or, a shift in clarity may cause you to experience newfound regrets. You may even feel afraid, without  knowing why. Mostly, you can’t help but wish that your life would return to normal and all of this would pass, although your heart rebels at even that simple thought.  How can anything ever be ‘normal’ again? The fabric of your existence is irreparably torn. No matter how much you attempt to mend it, the evidence remains. 

These are just some of the more basic thoughts I am familiar with, having known loss myself and having stood in witness to the transcendence of others as they made that unwanted journey through their dark night.  Yet no one can fully appreciate the emotions YOU are living with, and I’m sorry for your pain.

Grief is a state of being which feels never-ending. It actively incorporates all aspects of our multi-dimensionality. As such, it’s important to connect to your feelings, acknowledge them and provide them with a non-destructive, safe passage for release. Some channel their emotions into their writing or talking. For others, physical activity is a natural response. It enables the survivor to move in energetic flow with their emotions. So, write, talk, sing, paint, run, exercise or dance. Use of the body can’t help but incorporate use of the soul. Think, feel, move and cry. Allow the process to occur naturally while the physical and emotional toxins are released through your voice, sweat and tears. Though it may seem an insurmountable task, by actively participating and riding the waves of grief for as long as it takes, you slash at the vines which have grown up around your heart to ensnare it in a smothering grip.

One significant emotion which often crops up during bereavement is remorse. While it is human nature to lament past actions; remorse can debilitate the psyche over time. In the story of Jane Eyre it is written, ‘Remorse is the poison of life’. So change that which can be changed. Then, instead of floundering through feelings of guilt, shame and regret for past actions which can’t be altered, bend those eternal fires of negative feelings towards a positive goal. Forge a steel of newfound self-awareness and carry your newly expanded understanding into future interactions, to honor the original regret by the learning achieved. 

A wise soul once said that if a person were able to return to a period of their past, and revisit the being they were during that time, they should view that entity, and those situations through eyes of compassion. For better or worse, the decisions of the past incorporated all the resources for the individual’s awareness level at that time. As life progresses, we continue to learn, grow and are afforded the opportunity to perceive existence through a new set of eyes. That expanded growth shouldn’t define the being we once were along the way.  So when reflecting upon days gone by, consciously work towards letting go of these haunting forces. Accept that you gave the greatest love you were capable of giving in each moment. Your rainbow consists of more than just that one unpleasant shade. Viewed in totality, it’s the many shades and facets which held spellbound the one you now, so dearly miss.

Unfortunately, not all relationships have enjoyed their day in the sun. Some grieve for the opportunity lost and what ‘might have been’. They grieve for less than fulfilling relationships, the love of a parent not known or an experience not shared. Here too, it’s imperative to realize that each human is only capable of giving their own personal sort of love, which is molded from their individual experiences and level of development. Love is an elusive yet powerful phenomenon, which can’t be captured, purchased nor sold. This state of unlimited potential is glorious when reciprocated. Yet it also has the curious ability to stand alone. The capacity to love is in itself, a miracle and the root of this grief as well as the comfort, are found in that very same, known love.  As endless as a circle, love serves as a symbol of eternity. In loving another person, please know that your heart allowed itself to be vulnerable. The returned reward was your ability to birth this singularly unique vibration which will continue to echo forward. And just as an echo knows no end, love never dies. 

For those who are willing to explore the dimensions beyond this known physical plane, consider the possibility that your loved ones are still very much alive, experiencing existence from a different vibration level. And though a veil separates your physicality from the loved ones’ continued existence, they truly love you still. Their love sends forth a beat which in harmony, bonds with all the love in the universe.

Your loved one understands that what you are experiencing is unique and natural. Now, as energies of light, they wish only for you to move at your own pace. Meanwhile, they will continue to breathe air under your wounded wings so you might fly once more. This time, as with every other experience here, when you do fly again, it will be as a more seasoned energy, reaching higher and viewing existence from an expansive peripheral view. For there is no substitute that can compare with this living experience, and you are one who carries a badge of honor.  You now know with every fiber of your being, the priceless gift  in a love found.

Though it may seem impossible, try to step back to glean all that can be harvested from this experience. A removed view will offer an understanding for where a particular emotion or behave is transporting you. Observe whether your experience is serving as an affirming witness to honor the love you know…the love you recognize as easily as an old friend. For as you gather knowledge to take forward into your future…knowledge which allows you to love more fully, connect more fearlessly, or give more selflessly…you honor love. You cause a bell to ring across the divide, and complete the circle opened through the original decision to share your heart with another.

Take time. Take as much time as you need to be gentle with yourself. This is the supreme request your loved one would convey if they were beside you in physicality. Do that which feels right to you and rest often. You will move through this valley and your soul will naturally find itself ready to float higher, transcending what seems now, to be an impossible mountain.

 Yes indeed, this is a difficult, yet sacred and natural journey. Please know there WILL be breaks in those weighty clouds pressing in on you.  With time, the mists will thin. Shimmers of light and love will slip in to encircle your heart and gather you in a gentle embrace.  

May your sadness be broken up by periods of tranquility.
May your body know relief from the stress of bereavement.
May the day come when laughter easily wells up from down deep, to slip unheeded from between your lips.
May a song flow within to warm you, and cause your feet to tap in rhythm.
And one day, may you again appreciate the fragrance and delicate beauty of flowers.

For all of this is part of the human experience. Each time a light shines in your eyes; your body responds in a positive manner, and those who love you, both here and beyond, rejoice and celebrate in delight with you.

 One day soon, may you again give your loved ones the gift of your joy.

I always get itchy around this time for the scent of mulch, freshly turned earth and spring rain, so it’s not a surprise that such a feeling is coming over me again. It’s particularly intense this year due to an unusually difficult season filled with record snow falls and freezing downpours. In fact, I just heard that up to 16 more inches are expected early next week.  

Longing for lilacs, English stock and hyacinths, my brain began to wander. ’Maybe I should check the stores for some paper whites…they offer that great heady scent, and they last for weeks.’  In the midst of this notion a tiny surprise gift from last spring flit through my mind provoking me to reflect back…

The pollen had landed everywhere so I’d been hosing off the patio when I’d noticed a tiny stray summer flower in an early bloom. It had found its way out into the sunshine through a crack between the patio and the siding of the house.  Wandering seeds drift on the wind all the time so it wasn’t exactly an uncommon occurrence. Still, it was a lovely surprise.  The organized facet to my being wanted me to try to dig the flower up and plant it in a garden patch.  Fortunately, the element to my personality that connects with nature gave me permission to let it grow in the home it had created for itself.   That hearty little sprig brought me so much pleasure. It grew, spread and lasted well into the fall.

So today I drank my tea and gazed far beyond the snowy landscape as I mused on the glory of that flower.  No, it wasn’t the obvious splendor of its shape, scent and design that held my attention. It was the purest sense of consciousness that enabled the flower to simply BE a flower.  It didn’t compare itself to other flowers or ever find itself lacking. It lived in a completely unstructured, moment by moment consciousness enduring rain, insects, animals, chilly nights and humid sunny days. It allowed the creativity of the universe to surge through it, and it grew to its full splendor, manifesting itself to its greatest aspiration.  From the splitting of the seed, to the travel above ground, along a crack in concrete, it found its own stride. 

It reveled in and orchestrated its own unique existence

… yet it dwelled within the flow of the divine.

The notion of a shadow part is repelling so you may wish to deny its existence.  In fact, since most pride themselves on the thought that they are kind and caring; having a greater awareness of the shadow side of their personality is hugely wounding to the ego. Yet, to not intimately understand the triggers that cause you to behave in a non-loving fashion is to live in an imaginary vacuum, much as the ostrich with his head in the sand. To turn your head is to diminish the truest understanding of yourself and your world, and without this awareness, the full extension of your free will choices cannot be realized. In fact, if you consider a sunny day, a shadow occurs when beams of light shine from an angle. Shadows cannot exist independently; they require light.

Embracing the shadow self is also a progressive step on the spiritual path. It occurs through an investigation into our psyche, and leads to new discoveries and awareness. This exploration is daunting. To become intimately familiar with your being on all levels requires flinging the door wide to that shine light into the darkest corners. It’s a stripping bare of all the artifice you once hid behind. You many need to wrestle ancient demons of destructive thought patterning before a new truth is birth within. It is essential to ask yourself difficult questions and no matter how difficult it is, respond truthfully, then pay heed to your responses. This process will offer an education of your emotional triggers and allow you to realize methods to work with your emotional patterns in a non-destructive way.  

 The reward for this heart-wrenching effort is tenfold.  You become more like the adult than the hiding child, for  there will no longer be anything from which to hide. You will find yourself looking into the eyes of another with greater honesty, and your intuition for those with a hidden shadow side will become enhanced. A greater synchronicity occurs between your inner most self and the waking consciousness you present to the world. In addition, to plumb the depths of your own shadows is a humbling experience. As such, you will perceive the world and every encounter through eyes of compassion.

 Aside from walking taller, speaking more lovingly and achieving a new sense of self, you will gain a fresh self-love for the unique, connected soul that IS you. Moving forward, a shift occurs in the type of energy and experience you let into your world. In short, you will no longer define yourself through outdated and overplayed emotional and mental patterns; you become more fully in touch with the now harmonious energy that is you. Lightened of burden, and clear in purpose, you will pursue your dreams with the vigor of youth.  

 This shadow aspect from which so many flee actually plays an important role in our totality – it offers the opportunity for us to step into our present as the most expansive, dimensional, compassionate being possible.

 We’ve all, at one time or another, been there – on both sides of the situation. We’ve spoken without thinking, and we’ve been the recipient of unkind words. In either case, the key to a heightened understanding is compassion. Climbing outside of yourself long enough to ‘steps into the shoes’ of another will alter the way you approach all communication. It places you in a better position to distinguish when a person speaking harshly is reacting from an internal pain. It also causes you to hesitate before giving an emotionally based retort.In sum, one way to expand our personal level of integrity, facilitate interactions founded in kindness and elevate the vibration on this plane is to be mindful of our effects on others through the art of compassion.